With it being officially February and Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, I felt it only fitting to talk about our relationships with our children. Every person has a specific love language. This includes our children.
My daughter was the first to open up my eyes to this whole ‘love language’ thing. I struggled to find what would make her happy. My love language is primarily service. I would run around doing all sorts of things, services, that I could to make her happy. I even tried to have little ‘happies’ for her when she would come home from school. It was only an instant happiness, shortly followed by being not as content. What was I doing wrong? She should be a lot happier than she appears!
Insert Love Language Here.
Yes, I was doing all things for my daughter that would make me feel happy and loved. These things did not do the same for my daughter’s love tank. I was only sprinkling some love into that tank by the things I was doing. This is when I learned about love languages. As I mentioned above, every individual has a primary love language. This love language is what makes them feel truly loved. My daughter wasn’t responding to my services and gifts because this was not her primary love language.
As I researched and read the book The 5 Love Languages for Children by Gary Chapman, I learned that there were 5 different love languages:
- Acts of Service
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Words of Affirmation
- Physical Touch
My daughter’s love language was not at all what I had thought: quality time. What?! I have been spending time with her, why isn’t that tank at least half way full? Well, the problem was that she needed quality alone time as well as family quality time. I had recently had my youngest (who is now 17 months), and it had been pretty difficult to provide the individual quality time that she had been craving.
DING DING DING!
It was like a light bulb was turned out. This is what she has been needing the most, individual quality time. I changed the way I showed her love by adding that quality time that she so needed. Let me tell you all, she has been a completely different child. She is now so much happier! I still provide my love language, because that is just how I love to show love, but I have made sure to incorporate more family quality time, specifically individual quality time. The smile on her face when we went for a mommy-daughter nail salon date is irreplaceable! 🙂
I am know trying to take what I have learned with my relationship with my daughter and integrate it into all relationships within my life. This has been a game changer for me. Let this Valentine’s month be the month you learn the love languages of all those around you.
Do you know your love language? Have you ever felt like you can’t make your child as happy as they should be? You can take this quiz below to learn more!