Emotional Ride of Motherhood

As a mother, we experience so many, MANY different emotions. There is the emotion of complete happiness and joy when we look at those beautiful children that we can call ours. There are the moments of fear, like when we are in Target and our youngest has decided to play hide and seek in the Women’s Clothing section..ugh! There are moments of laughter. I absolutely love these times of laughter! My daughter said the funniest thing the other day. We were watching, well my husband was watching, golf and my oldest overheard the commentator say ‘and he will have a tee time later today…’ My daughter translated this into her own terms and says ‘That is so funny that he is going to have ‘tea’ time!’

The moments of frustration are far too many at times, with the fighting among siblings to the complete disregard in all things we have asked them to do (or not do!)

‘Will you please quit hitting your sister!’ ‘Stop playing in the toilet!!’

Then the moments that we don’t want to exist, sadness and grief. I most certainly can live without these. All of us have had our fair share of emotions along this ride of motherhood. I believe it even starts before those children are brought into this world. I remember being anxious during pregnancy. I couldn’t wait to get to the next prenatal appointment to make sure my little peanut was still doing good.

If you have read my post about my son and his autism,ย  Don’t Be Afraid of the A Word , you will see a part of my life where fear and joy was interchangeable. This fear decided to pop up again the week of the 4th of July. On the 4th, my son started running fever. This came out of no where. We were able to manage his fever and he was finally fever-free by Wednesday afternoon. Thursday came, and we thought we were good to go. Nope. Late Thursday afternoon, Brady started screaming about his head ‘being hot’. I explained to him that he wasn’t running fever any more and that he shouldn’t feel hot. Now, we were not running around outside during this time. He was sitting on the couch. He persisted to tell me his head was really hot. He got up off the couch and got ‘sick’ all over the floor. I managed to get him straight for about 20 minutes. Then it happened again. He was sitting on the couch and started screaming about his head. I reminded myself that Brady isn’t like other almost 5 year old. He is still learning how to describe things and how he actually feels. His ‘head hot’ actually meant his head was hurting. I walked him back to the bathroom in case he repeated what he had done earlier, in which he did. After this time though, he started rolling his eyes back and acted like he was going to pass out. My mommy instinct told me something wasn’t right.

We brought him to the ER. As the Pediatric ER doctor is evaluating him, Brady begins to zone out, staring spell to be exact. The doctor keeps saying ‘Brady, Brady…’until Brady finally responds, as if he had fallen asleep temporarily. The doctor then tells us something I had never heard before…absence seizures. Brady was possibly having seizures during these ‘staring spells’ and we would need to get an EEG done. Wait. Brady could be having seizures?

Where did this come from? After being told Brady was on the higher end of the autism spectrum, we have always assumed the ‘blanking out’ or ‘staring spells’ was just a part of it. Now to find out he was having seizures this entire time? As a parent, your mind starts racing for answers and questioning every choice you have made. Should we have been paying more attention and not assuming? The headaches he was having had gone away by the time we got to the ER and the doctor believed it was connected to the virus he had earlier in the week. As crazy as it may sound, the virus and headaches Brady had that week were blessings. Blessings. If it weren’t for them, we would have never known about these absence seizures. The pediatric ER doctor was a blessing for paying such great attention to Brady.

We were sent home with orders to get an EEG and to see a neurologist. Let the waiting begin, which is VERY difficult for me. God is constantly teaching me to wait. Two weeks later we have the EEG and this past Thursday we met with the neurologist to go over the EEG results. What the ER doctor had seen was accurate. Brady was having seizures. The neurologist believes he has been having seizures for a while now and could also be the reason for his speech delay. Our next move was to get him on an anti-seizure medication as well as schedule him for a MRI (which will be over the next 1-2 months due to scheduling). As the weekend is coming to an end, I have had a chance to let everything settle in. All those emotions I described earlier whooshed right in…fear, joy, sadness, and frustration. Isn’t motherhood just a crazy ride or what?! Nothing else in this world can do this to me like my children. I reminded myself of this, God is so good. One of my favorite songs is humming in the back of my head ‘God is so good…God is so good. God is so good, He’s so good to me…’ Oh how true is this?! I am very blessed for these emotions. I am not only able to be a mother, but God will always take care of His children.

Here’s to a good week and all the emotions that will come with it! ๐Ÿ™‚

**I will keep you all updated along our journeyโค๏ธ**

Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; yea, our God is merciful </i >
Psalms 116:5

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22 thoughts on “Emotional Ride of Motherhood

  1. Janette Shearer says:

    Oh my goodness girl! I cannot even imagine how you were feeling during all of that! I’ve never heard of those seizures before! I hope that you have strong support network where you live to keep you lifted and supported! Thank you for sharing!

    • thesproutingminds@gmail.com says:

      Thank you! ๐Ÿ™‚ I have never heard of them either. I was honestly shocked!

  2. justine says:

    omg, this is so scary. i can’t even imagine how you are feeling — i hope you are doing okay! i’m familiar with absence seizures. a student of mine used to have them and I thought that she was just staring off into space. it was terrifying when I found out she was having seizures and I felt horrible to find out much later! you got this, mama — the blogging community is here to support you!

  3. Kelly says:

    Motherhood really is such a roller coaster of emotion!! Thank goodness for the understanding of other moms and you’re right, God is good!!!

  4. Stefanie says:

    Oh my goodness, mama! So scary. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you navigate this new journey. Although my journey is different, I could relate to many of your feelings, because my 3 year old son has mosaic Down syndrome and a speech delay. It’s so hard because he can’t accurately communicate when something is wrong, and I have to rely on my instincts. These type of seizures seem to be common in the Ds community. Although I don’t have experience with them, many of my friends do. I’m going to bookmark your blog so I can keep up with your journey. Thinking of you and sending you a big virtual hug!

    • thesproutingminds@gmail.com says:

      Thank you so much!! It feels good knowing you are not alone ๐Ÿ™‚ Much love to you as well!

  5. Kim@Team-Cartwright says:

    That is so scary. Good for you for listening to your son’s message along with his words. He’s a lucky boy to have you in his corner taking care of him. Keep it up, Mama, you’re doing a great job.

  6. Yes, I'm That Mom says:

    God bless you mama! Know that The Lord is with you through everything you and your family is enduring and He is there to walk you through every step of the way of this new journey you are embarking on! Motherhood is filled with different emotions and mishaps but through the support of your family, God, and us other mamas, YOU GOT THIS!!!

    Prayers and thoughts are with you always!

    Yes, I’m That Mom

  7. Emily says:

    Sounds like it was such a terrifying experience, you’re so right that there are so many emotions that come with motherhood.

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